21 August 2007

The Adventures of Marco Polo-Continued

Well.....



I know it has been a while since I posted a worthy blog, and I had some time today to work at home-half the time, I swear my neighbors think I'm unemployed because I'm out in the morning shooting water down the gutter, dressed in my tank top with cut off levi shorts....waiting for something interesting to happen...



Seriously, the other day I ventured up to the wild country of Twin Falls, Idaho, where I had to meet with a new client. Feeling the movements of nature descend upon my colon, I decided to pull off and take care of business. Whilst at the gas station taking care of said business, I suddenly hear the door open.....slowly, creakingly,....and then someone began to clean the bathroom...I sure you can understand my surprise, considering that the door to the bathroom pointed right at the check out counter. So I scream, "HEY! I'm taking a $#$% in here! Close the FRICKIN' door!" No answer.......I hurry and take care of myself and go out of the stall, and low and behold there is this dude, cleaning the sink. I ask him, " Dude, did you even hear me in there?" He casually looks up and I notice something odd about his face...he has 2 eyes, but one eye is frickin' HUGE....about twice as big as the other eye! And he just stares at me....like I'm the freak or something. So I slowly backed off, and said, "For future refernece, perhaps its best to let your patrons know that you are coming in to clean...I mean, seriously man....the smell coming out of here can't be good for your business as you are leaving the door open for all to enjoy".... Again, he says and does nothing...but stares at me with the evil eye....Scared the crap out of me.



The summer in Phoenix has turned the local population into a leather goods store...considering the damaged skin in that city, we will never be out of leather for purses or luggage for that matter....heck they could sell their skin in Ensenada Mexico.



On my last adventure to Montana, I had to stop at the local Wal-Mart to get something shipped...Interesting thing about Walmart in Montana...for most of the towns it represents the hub of entertainment and food....for entertainment, you can watch all the white trash beat on their kids, and for food, there is always the local McDonalds that sells cat and dog meat in their burgers. I know that I witnessed a transformation of a normal person to a Walmart person-no kidding, its like watching a werewolf horror movie or something..the slow slouching of the back, the bucking of the teeth, the general change of khaki's to faded levi(amazing!), the lashing out at their children to " shut up! Or I'll give you something to cry about!", amongst other abominations-like all the overweight women wedging their bodies into spandex tank tops....ahhhhhhhh!!!! Goodie!! Lumps are good!!!!

Tune in next time for more adventures of Marco Polo

4 comments:

Oldest Girl said...

Dang would you do that every day! I love you Doug. Shelby read it and was like...did he just say a bad word? I was laughing pretty hard. You are amazing. MORE MORE MORE

Dallas Graham said...

Go, buddy... you go, boy!

RockStar said...

Amy,

Sometimes...I am afraid to say...that some questionable words leave my mouth during stressful situations...like the story I related. Its not a regular activity...but sorry if Shelby was offended...I'll try better...tune in next time for my next adventure.

Mama said...

LOL!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! You know? Laughter is good for you???? It is kind of weird to sit and look at your computer and be laughing so hard. Someone could look in the window and think me crazy!!!Truly. . . laughter is the best medicine of all. Keep us healthy, Doug. You are the best! xoxoxo Mom