08 April 2008

Marco Polo Strikes Again

Hello Family,

I know its been a while since Marco Polo visited us on the family blog, but as usual, I have had some new experiences to bring to the family eye. I don't know why I seem to have so many strange experiences in my travels, but it seems to provide some humor for everyone.
Most people know now that I have somewhat of a "sensitive" gastrointestinal system. Sometimes, its a heavy burden to bear. I had a rather close call the other night. I was in Phoenix last week, doing my work thing, and decided one evening to spend some time with one of my best friends from my youth, Bruce Stevens. He lives in Mesa...Many of you probably remember him. We went to get some chow, sat back and visited for a couple of hours and had a rather great time rediscovering our past. As I was heading home, I looked down at the fuel gauge of my Chrysler 300m-a rather tough gangsta car- and noticed I was essentially empty. Ironically, I felt a uncomfortable sensation traveling through my lower gut, and I thought to myself " Oh no....this could be bad....very bad".
Let me tell you folks....I have never felt unbelievable fear before...but I felt it that night. I frantically looked at every exit for some gas station, restaurant, anything to give me aid...but NOTHING! I thought to myself, "Well, I guess there is a first time for everything, and now, I am going to have the first time I mess my pants in a rental car. I wonder how I am going to explain it when I return the car, and how much they are going to charge me to clean up.....or maybe I could pull over by the side of the freeway and do the nasty.....No, that's no good, the cops would come by and arrest me...and then I would have bigger problems....and again, I'm still going to be out of gas, so I would have to call Bruce or a co worker to help me...and then how is that going to look?
As you can see....I was in a world of hurt....My pelvis literally ached with all my muscles engaged in keeping everything on my inside from getting outside. When I thought all hope was lost, I looked up and behold DENNY's. Never have I been so happy to see that place...because they are the only 24 place around.
I am sure the guy in the next stall thought a disaster had happened, because he heard me praying, thanking Heavenly Father for finding the DENNY'S for me.
Moral of the story-don't take chances with Mexican food in a new place...especially late at night and you are an hour from your hotel.

Hope everyone is well.


Jen said...

you are so funny...my gut hurts from laughing!! i'm SO glad denny's is 24 hour....wow...

just as a word of caution...don't try the sugar free hershey's stuff...ask tyler, well, at least don't get it on a long drive, say from seattle to SLC, and eat most of the bag....bad things will happen!!

oxoxoxxo thanks for the giggle!

Papa Jones said...

Oh my gosh Doug. Seriously, we need to share a moment together...privately. I have a few interesting experiences with this...I was Trent Armstrong's best man and Carolyn and I were staying at his flat. His only bathroom was being used, and I had an emergency of significance. I almost ended up using his cooler in his mudroom...Another time, funny thing was in the MTC when I was not so lucky. After a week on the food, I could not run fast enough and deal with my one piece garment before distaster happened. Fortunately, there were showers in the bathrooms there...And yes everyone, there still is the need for a "private" discussion. That was the public stuff.. Ha ha.

Oldest Girl said...

Oh my heck! This is great. I am cramping even as write! It must be a family trait! Thanks so much for the laugh. I love you guys! Can't wait to see you!

bubblyone said...

WHAT the heck---i am dying--doug i just need you with me all the time to laugh so dang hard!

I just close my eyes and picture you and man i am happy!


Mama said...

Doug, you are a knot head!!!! Now my intestines are hurting! You know I have a cure for your problem if you would just believe. Good old optiflora. . . that would be a Shaklee product. It is a total cure, so I double dog dare you to make it a daily swallow. Thanks for the great laugh! Everyone of us needs to laugh more and think of the good you did for all of us! I love your guts, even. xoxoxo Mom